


Tenderhearted

by Tarredion



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Comfort/Angst, Crying, Developing Relationship, M/M, Sad and Sweet, Separation Anxiety, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24945706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarredion/pseuds/Tarredion
Summary: Phil doesn't want Dan to go home. Dan agrees. Quite strongly, actually.Feeling properly loved for the first time causes serious separation anxiety.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	Tenderhearted

The weight of limbs entangled with his own wakes Phil up. Only because it’s such an unfamiliar sensation, one that he felt for the very first time just two months ago. 

Blinking his eyes open, the first things Phil sees are brown wisps of hair, Dan’s forehead pressed against his own. Though he can’t see much else. It’s still moderately dark and he doesn’t have his glasses on.

Still, he smiles affectionately. Their closeness is enough to make his heart beat in strange ways. And, truly, he can say he loves Dan with all of it. 

He gently brushes some of the strands away from his face. His fingertips trace the edge of his brow, admiring the softness of his features. 

And as they lay there, the room slowly begins to flood with pastel yellow light. It’s just warm enough to bask in, but he prefers the heat Dan’s body radiates. He prefers most things about Dan, if not all, above everything else in the world.

It’s scary to think so, so early in a relationship, but lying to himself won’t help.

Phil lets his hands dance back up to Dan’s face, falling to rest upon his cheeks. He holds him in the tender embrace for a little while, until legs chafe against his own. Until his _boyfriend_ begins to stir.

The very tips of their noses brush as Dan’s eyelids flutter open, tilting his face so he can look Phil in the eyes. His mouth widens shakily, lips quirked just enough to show a hint of a smile, but not much more. 

“Hi,” he croaks. His voice is deep and raspy and vulnerable as it crawls up his throat.

He looks so beautiful that Phil’s chest aches. He tells him as such, stroking his star-speckled skin, still awkwardly laid on his side. 

Dan’s mouth connects with his, eyes falling closed. In multiple ways, they melt into the kiss. Though they’re only stalling what they know will eventually come; Dan’s departure.

When they break apart, both of their faces are streaked with tears. The weight Phil feels is almost unimaginable. He knows how much Dan dreads this, as he does each time he travels up. He dreads both leaving the Lester family, and going back south to his own; dreads going back to a house where he’s expressed he feels greatly unloved most of the time. A house that doesn’t _feel_ like home.

“I don’t want to go back,” Dan mumbles against his lips, expressing the same concern once again. Hot air dances into Phil’s mouth from his, the quivering breath hitting him as forcefully as the realization seems to hit Dan. “I’d rather... rather stay here with you.”

The real, unearthed pain in his boyfriend’s voice hurts Phil. He brings him close, squeezing him tight in as comforting a hug as he can give. He consoles him to the best of his abilities, but Dan is still reduced to tears.

Phil burrows himself in the crook of his neck, allowing him to cry his heart out silently, quivering lips in his hair. 

And Dan, he cries and cries and cries. Yet he does it so quietly that the only sign is his hitching breath against Phil’s scalp, and the occasional hiccup as he swallows his own acid tears.

He floods his deep brown eyes, silver droplets webbing his dark eyelashes.

He stops after only a minute, although it feels like a full heart wrenching eternity to Phil.

They snuggle closer together after that, if it’s even possible. The presence of another beating heart reduces Phil’s anxiety, more so because it’s Dan’s. Because he can trust him. 

It also seems to calm Dan. Nonetheless, a frown still clads his face. 

“Fuck, you must be so tired out,” he says. “I’m sorry for being such a pathetic fucktwit all the time.”

“You’re none of that, Dan-”

His voice cracks. “Mhhm… you’re only saying that to not sound rude. Or to make me feel like a good boyfriend, when I’m really not.”

“You are the bestest boyfriend to ever exist,” he whispers assuringly, each word bearing more truth than the whole entire world. “I love you so bloody much that nothing you can ever say or do will change that.” 

“Love you too, dummy… I’m just being stupid.” 

“You’re allowed to be scared. You’re allowed to be anxious, Dan. It’s only natural for you to feel like this, and now that’s especially true.”

“I know, once again I just…” He gulps loudly. “... I just feel so rotten and horrible for subjecting you to it. It feels like… _I_ feel like I shouldn’t expose you to this negative, horrible side of myself because- because you’re so _not_ that.” 

“We all need support, Dan. We’re humans.” Phil takes a shivering breath, laying a gentle hand upon Dan’s shoulder. “And if you’re feeling this guilty about your emotions, I think it’d be good to sleep on. I promise.”

At the words, Dan’s chapped bottom lip juts out even further. Phil barely resists the urge to kiss it. 

“Can’t we, like, play video games instead? To avoid… to avoid _all_ of this.” He laughs awkwardly, in what Phil’s learnt is his avoidance way, and it makes him shake his head.

“I really think you should sleep,” he says, instead of giving in. A yawn from Dan confirms his suspicions. “Come on, lay back down. Please.”

And Dan does. He lets his head sink into the pillow, his features glimmering with the reminiscence of tears. His breathing goes soft within a few minutes, his bare shoulders rising steadily. 

Phil can’t help but watch Dan with heartbreaking empathy, whispering a final _love you_ against his lips as his eyelashes flutter closed.

Before he, too, falls back asleep, the last thing he makes is a subtle tweet, in need of venting his feelings at least a little bit. Not on his main account, of course. That’d be too much; and he doesn’t want to answer any questions.

_**Lion @PhilsLion · 24 Dec. 2009** _

_It hurts me to be near you, emotional and physically. You're beautiful and grumpy and beautiful when you are grumpy. <3_

He ignores any notifications he gets. The world can wait. He needs to be there for Dan, hold him while he’s still here. Otherwise, his heart will be too heavy in his chest to take.

He just loves him indescribably much. And that’s how he falls asleep, in love, with love on top.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> reblog here :3
> 
> <https://tarredion.tumblr.com/post/622093856014516224/tenderhearted>


End file.
